I wish you could stop thinking for a while. Maybe even stop feeling. Specially now that everything hurts so much. I know you don’t want it to hurt but I guess that’s not something you can control.
It sucks that you have all these things going on and you have no one to talk to about them but you can always write them down like what you’re doing now. I guess it’s the only thing you can do. You’re losing people one by one and there’s nothing you can do to stop them from leaving. You can try changing who you are but I don’t think that would make them change how they see you. Not anymore.
You’re trying. I can see that you’re trying. You’re a good person. You should know that. It’s just that, you have a lot on your plate and a lot of things that you’re afraid of. You know what happens when you worry. Everything becomes annoying, you don’t want to do anything, you just think of all the bad things that could happen. You let all the stress eat you up and you become this extremely angry person that you’re not proud of.
I don’t like it when you tun into that version of you. It’s that side of you that chooses to look at all the bad things that are happening in your life. It’s that side of you that chooses to be mean and to hate things more than you usually do. Don’t let it consume you. Don’t let that side of you win. Because when it wins, bad things happen. You end up with a broken heart, you lose people you love, you end up being alone. I know you hate that.
You’ll get through this. I know how hard it’s been for you but you will get through this. Stop being afraid of change. It’s time that you step out of your comfort zone. This is the perfect opportunity to find yourself, to figure out what it is that you want to do with your life. Have fun! Be free! Don’t let the walls that you built up to protect yourself keep you from enjoying life. Because life is good. You just have to believe that it’s good.