Right now you’re more confused than you’ve ever been in your twenty three years of existence. Your heart is saying one thing while your head keeps saying something else and for once you have no idea which side you should take. All you know is that listening to your heart could make you happy but listening to your head could make the one you love happy. And right now he means more to you than anyone else, yourself included.
I know this is about you trying to protect him from the side of you that you can’t control. You’ve said a million times that you’d give him a chance, that you’d give your relationship a chance, and that you’d actually try to make things work but have you been trying? Have you been willingly trying to suppress that side of you that you hate, that side of you that you think he hates? Or did you just give up like you always do?
Now it’s too late to try. Asking him to give you one more chance after he gave you plenty is already too much. You’ve broken his heart too many times to think about the possibility of maybe breaking it again when you eventually give in to the side of you that everyone hates.
Maybe it really is time to move on, both for you and for him. Stop breaking his heart. He deserves someone who will take care of it, not someone who will break it multiple times and still want to continue doing so.