Things get hard when you start falling for someone who could be everything or nothing at all. I guess that’s just how life works.
I’ve been trying to figure out why people enter relationships only to end up losing the people who actually matter to them in the process but I really don’t know how to answer my own question. I just feel like things could have been better for me and the people I used to go out with if we decided to stay friends. Just friends. I think there’s a bigger possibility that we’d still be as close as we used to be if we didn’t end up dating. Things wouldn’t have been awkward and we’d still be really close instead of just acquaintances.
You see, I have this major fear of losing people (if I already wrote about this before, I’m sorry but it really is something that bothers me a lot). I feel like committing to something as major as a relationship would only end up one way (and if you don’t know what I mean by one way then you haven’t been paying attention). I know it’s such a bad way to look at it but I guess I can’t really commit because I always find reasons to believe that whatever it is that I have with someone won’t work. It could be something really silly or something that actually makes sense. Crazy, I know.
I feel like the more people I want to keep in my life, the more I shy away from entertaining anyone (relationship wise). Cause I don’t really have much now and if I end up going out with whoever it is that I meet then I’d eventually end up with nothing.
I don’t actually know why I’m thinking about this now. Maybe it’s because I’m going through some sort of crisis that I’ve never been able to understand. Or maybe (like in most of my previous posts) I’m just tired of being alone. I enjoy it, sure, but I’m pretty sure part of me still looks forward to having someone who’ll love me for the rest of my life (ewww cheese).
Really need to figure this out. Might end up just not caring soon.