I’d be lying to myself if I say I haven’t gotten attention from the people I’ve shown interest in for the past few years. I was pretty much able to “go out” with most of them. If you call hanging out a few times and talking over the phone (or in person) until dawn “going out.”
I remember moments where I felt happy meeting someone for the 1st time and just getting to know them on a deeper level. I remember how happy I felt when I found out that our feelings were mutual. I also remember being freaked out by confessions that happened too fast. I remember the struggles of dating when one becomes too possessive while still at the stage of getting to know each other. I remember feeling cock blocked by someone who cheated on me multiple times (I forgave him). I remember being in the same room with two people who were interested in me and not knowing what to do. But was that it? Is this it for me?
I haven’t met anyone that sparked interest in over a year. Well, I have, but I guess I got a little greedy and nothing really came out of something that could’ve been great. Or I just thought there was something there when there wasn’t. Probably the latter.
I’m turning 28 in a few months. I’d like to think that there is no deadline for finding love but I can’t help but feel like there is. We’ve built timelines for ourselves at such a young age and have based so much of our decisions on those timelines that it’s hard to shake them off once things don’t go as planned. But, like I said, I’ve had a few chances. But none of them felt right.
Is it supposed to feel right? Do we really just know once we meet someone that we want to spend the rest of our lives with them? Or am I thinking too much like a hopeless romantic?
I don’t know why I’m thinking of love at 5:30AM instead of going back to sleep. I really don’t know. I guess I just miss the feeling of having someone to hold on to.