Regrets

I just spent the last couple of hours reading old posts and old notes, some from seven years ago. Now it’s almost 5AM, I can’t sleep, and I’m crying about some of the decisions I made that I can no longer change. Wondering about all of the what ifs that could’ve happened if I chose one thing over the other.

I wish I didn’t make life as complicated as I did, both for myself and for the other people that were affected by my choices. I wish I followed my heart more. Maybe I’d actually be with the person I think I still want to be with now.

But I guess life is more complicated now. We’re getting older and time isn’t really going to slow down for anyone. Do we still have time to make bad decisions?

Pain

How can an insane amount of sadness turn into heart crushing pain? An actual physical sensation of your heart being ripped to pieces by an emotion so strong that you can’t even find the right words to describe it.

It’s the kind of pain you feel when someone breaks your heart. The kind of pain you feel when someone leaves.

It’s just too much for me to handle.